Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
