My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
