You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
