hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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