Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize