how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
