when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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