I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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