I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
