how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
