Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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