the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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