ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
