Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
