I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
