You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am full of burrito and curiosity
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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