I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize