I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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