I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
