And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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