There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
bring money and cleavage
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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