I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
