I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
