whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
