I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wanna go halves on a baby?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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