Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
