Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
