Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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