how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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