Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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