Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
