She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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