my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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