I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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