I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
