I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
