dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
