I puked a lego.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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