You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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