with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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