so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
