got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
