don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
