three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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