So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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