is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
