Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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