my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
