Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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