Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
