Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
