And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
