When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
being pregnant is like rehab
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
