I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
