I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
