Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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