He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize