you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
