I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
