this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
