Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
