The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
