Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
