yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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