found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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