I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
