Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
