I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
