if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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