dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
People in love make me want to vomit
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
