oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
