Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Duck Duck Cougar?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
