I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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