I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
