RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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